Illumination


My parents, being asian and all, tried to give me all the opportunities that they could.  Soccer, piano, math classes .. just whatever. 

 

I was never particularly good at piano, and I never really enjoyed it until I quit.  Since I was young (probably 6 or 7), i'd played piano, and every year we would have two recitals in front of .. probably a hundred people (both students and parents).  As I said, I was never really that good, nor did I like it .. so I would only halfheartedly try .. and alot of times during the recitals, I would screw up.  My parents expected quite a bit of me, and would really give me it in the car ride home.  As I grew older, I started playing music that I actually enjoyed and would try a little harder.  Nerves would probably get the best of me during the recitals, though, and I still wouldn't perform well.

 

I'd hear bitching about not practicing enough, not caring .. it would be a cloudy afternoon (or so it seemed), probably raining, and the mood was tense.  I think I felt even worse than usual because I had actually tried ..

 

I realized then that my parents weren't really all that in tune with my feelings; what appeared to them was how they took things.  So I then learned to manipulate how things seemed to my advantage.